SEX jokes

☻SEX
SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly. Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday, gd for u.

☻SEX ON TEXT
Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!

☻YOU ARE WANTED
The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna hide Me?
☻TALKING DIRTY
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

☻LOVE AND SEX
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!
☻SEX IS ...
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a demonstration?!
☻GIVE ME ALL YOUR $$$
MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME. can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U
☻NIGHT PRAYER
Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen.
☻WHAT I NEED
I need a hug, I need touch, I need tender, I need a kiss, I need love, I need sex, I need you!
☻WRONG NUMBER
U've got SEX APPEAL ... U've got INTELLIGENCE ... U've got CLASS ... U got da FACE, U got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ... SORRY
☻NO SEX !
There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !
☻PHONE ENGAGE
hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot of times. everytime i dial your no, operator kept sayin 'THE SUBSCRIBER U CALLING IS HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER'

☻KENTUCKEY A woman is like a kentuckey friedchicken, it has legs ,breasts and a greasy box to stick your bone in.
☻TWINKLE LITTLE STAR Twinkle, twinkle little rectum bigcockscum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion.
☻OLD MANThere was an old man from gosham,who got out his bollocks to wash'em,His wife said oh jack if you don't put'em back,i'll stand on the bastards and squash em!!!(new)
☻ARSE ICONS
(_!_)
Regular arse
(__!__)
Fat arse
(!)
Tight arse
(_*_)
Sore arse
(_o_)
Well used arse
(_e=mc2_)
Smart arse
(_x_)
Kiss my arse
☻FAMILYyour father had your mother,your mother had your brother,it's just 2 bad your fathers mad andyour mothers now your lover
☻GUY PERIODIf guys had they periods They wouldcompare the size of their tampons!
☻DEMONSTRATIONSex is when a guyscommunication enters a girls information to increase the population for a younger generation do you get the nformation...or do you need a demonstration
☻SEX IS EVILSex is evil Evil is sin Sin is forgiven So stick it in.
☻VIRGINSmoke a smoke Not a buttFuck a virgin Not a slut.
☻GUYS Guys are like roses,Watch out for the pricks.
☻cOOL GIRLIm acool girl,in acool town it takes a real mother fucker to put me down
☻HOT SEXThere is Hot-sex,Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !

☻WOMENS NEEDSThere are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in hercloset, tiger in her bed! And ofcourse a donkey to pay her bills!!

☻SICK LEAVEA guycall into work and says: Boss Ican´tcome to work to day, I´m sick.Boss asks: How sick are you? The guy says: I´m fucking my sister how sick is that?

☻BRAND SEXSex is like nokia -connecting people like Nike -just do it Like Pepsi -ask for more Like Samsung -everyone is invated and like me -TO GOOD TO BE TRUE!

☻VALANTINERoses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happend to you?
☻F**KING MAFIA Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia... One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!!

☻THE BUSHWhen an apple is green it's ready to pluckWhen a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck!
☻The Alpahbeta-ur attractive b-ur beautiful c-urcaring d-ur delicous e-ur exciting f-ur funny g-ur gorgeoush-ur heavenly I-IM J-JUST K-KIDDING L-LOSER!
☻Luv is a sensationLuv is a sensation dat iscaused by temptation,a boy puts his location in a girls destination,do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?

☻Good SexSex is good,sex is fine,doggy style or 69,just for fun or getting paid,everyone likes getting laid!

☻Equation Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract urclothes, divide your legs and wecan multiply!

☻Sex Guide Bak 2 bak,front 2 front,on d table,lick dcunt,stick it in,do ur ting,do it hard & make her sing,tense ur body feel dcum,den let it rip into her bum!

☻Luv me tender Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!

☻Life as a penis5 reasons not 2 b a penis 1)ur bald ur entire life 2)both ur naybors r nutz 3)an arsehole lives b’hind u 4)ur bestm8s acunt 5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!

☻Pregnant Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it’s a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!

☻Flying FuckIll fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!

☻Beat MeBeat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!

☻£50 note tattood on yourcock3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:

1- Ucan play wiv ur money, 2- Ucan see ur money grow 3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants

☻Bastard Rubber D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!

☻Nice Arse I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!

☻Cat & Rooster cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!

☻Love poem Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!

☻Bonna There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?

☻Cocktail Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!

☻Triplets or Twins I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!

☻How to satisfy a woman HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job ☻Life is like a dickLife is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!

☻Rainbow Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!

☻Love & War LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!

☻Little Girl When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!

☻Virginity is like a balloon Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!

☻Question Time Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall? A)walnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchest? A)chestnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchin? A)a mouth full ofcock!

☻The Truth QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend? ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!!

☻PringlesSex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, youcan't stop!!

☻MarriageA man woz arranged 2 b married!He had achoice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poorcleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits! ☻Getting Old U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF 1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long 2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo
☻Baby Please Of all the babes ur my selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth areclean for ur inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection!
☻HOW MANY ANIMALScAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS? 10 little piggies,2calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish!
☻Sex+drugs+rock+raveSex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high! ☻Men like toilets
Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS 1)dey r always out of order 2)dey stink 3)the nice ones r always engaged 4)deyconsume large amounts of liquid 5)rconstantlt full of shit!

☻Mary's bush
Mary Mary, quitecontrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!!

☻Horny
Roses are red, voilets arecorny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!

☻5 bad things to say to a naked guy
5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY 1)so dis explains urcar! 2)but still work,right? 3)r ucold? 4)shood i get a pump? 5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird!
☻Hickory, dickory, dock Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin mecock,daclock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block!
☻Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb,she kept it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard!

☻Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, F**ked her arse & went 2 bed!
☻Being a student Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we'll both graduate in hot oral sex!

☻Down on her Knees
Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jellycos shes doin a fuckin good job!

☻Cat and the Sausage
Acat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river,but gets its paws wet,then it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy!
☻Oral sex Oral sexcan b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den ucum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again!

☻Mary's bike
Mary had a little bike,she rode it bak 2 front,all the time the wheels went round the spokes went up hercunt
☻Rhymea mans ocupation is to stick hiscockulation up a wommens ventulation to increase the population of the younger generation if u want a demonstation plz lie down! ☻NewsFlash*NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that ican get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal !

☻Nutella I love when you stick your little fingers in me deep and lick it all . Love always , Nutella.

☻U and the Popedo u know what's the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it's a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! :)

☻DurexDo you wan't fun Do you wan't sex Don't forget durex

☻Old Daysin days of old wen knights were bold +condoms wernt invented they tied socks around theircocks + people like u were prevented.

☻Sex, Drugs + BirthcontrolSex, Drugs, Rock and RollSpeed, weed and birthcontrol,lifes a bitch, then u die,so fuck the worldlets get high..

☻Kiss Me Kiss's r blown + kiss's r wasted kiss's rnt kiss's unless they r tasted, kiss's spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated!

☻How many lettersHow many letters are in the Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him!

☻My Roof? last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky.... then I thought where the fuck is my roof??

☻Foot and Mouth mary had a little lamb,its name was little ralph,its burnin in a field right nowcos its got foot and mouth

☻BlondesWhat is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? Some traffic signs say stop

☻Operator This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you

☻Blonde Womens legswhat did the blondes womens left leg say to the blonde womens right leg? don't know they never met!

☻This Way UpPleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry370HSSV 0773H

☻I love youThis time im sure about wat i feel & im gonna say iti i l i lo i lov i lovei love y i love yoi love young girls with Shaven Pussys!

☻Mary's LambsMary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they're black andcrispy.

☻SheepGroup of sheep in field, one says i dont feel well. The others reply shut the fuck up your get us all shot.

☻Butter Your teeth are so yellow, ican't believe it's not butter!!!

☻Condom factoryYour birthcertificate is an apology letter from thecondom factory.

☻Yo MamaYo mama's so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.

☻Mary Stinks Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark ascharcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole!

☻Mary's Duckmary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck!

☻Tamponswhats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?....they r all stuck upcunts!

☻Sex is like Maths sex is like maths: Add the bed, subtractclothes, divide the legs... and MULTIPLY!

☻Suspensehow do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!! ☻Statistics At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS

☻Farmer Joneshas farmer Joneshas got no sheep,isn't life a drag?coz they're all burning in a fieldhe's got no sheep to shag

☻Gary Gliter *Newsflash*The FA have just announced gary gliter the next Englandcoach.The appontmentcollapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's

☻Ba Ba White Sheep ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie

☻News Flash - Indian Earthquake !!News flash!!Indian earthquake kills 50 000!USA sending food. Australia sendingclothes. britain sending ... ... ... Replacements

☻Leather Heather there was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together

☻Little Miss Drugy little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed.

☻Jack and Jill Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER

☻IRA what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth

☻Dear Mammy love annie There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.
☻Cock Sucker DetecotorThis is acock sucker detector Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning.... The test was positive 90percent sperm breath...cOCK SUCKER !!

☻Pink Vagina Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex? A pink rose with loveley details. And after sex?Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?

☻Red Riding Hood Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits. No she said lifting her skirt. Eat me like the fucking book says!

☻Fuck for money sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money
☻Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!

☻5 reasons not 2 b a penis 1)ur bald ur entire life 2)both ur naybors r nutz 3)an arsehole lives b'hind u 4)ur bestm8s acunt 5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!

☻Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it's a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!

☻Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!

☻Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!

☻3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock: 1- Ucan play wiv ur money, 2- Ucan see ur money grow 3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants

☻D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!

☻I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!

☻Cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!

☻Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!

☻There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?

☻Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!

☻I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!

☻HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job

☻Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!

☻Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!

☻LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!

☻When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!

☻Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!
☻There was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together

☻little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed .

☻Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER

☻what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth

☻There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.
☻This is acock sucker detector Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning.... The test was positive 90percent sperm breath... COCK SUCKER !!

☻Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex? A pink rose with loveley details. And after sex? Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?

☻Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits. No she said lifting her skirt. Eat me like the fucking book says!

☻sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money
☻What sexual position do you have to be in to make the most ugliest kid?…. ask your parents
☻What 2 things in the air can make a girl pregnant? HER FEET
☻A train is bout 2 crash!A frantic virgin strips off & says "can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?" So a man takes off his clothes & says "iron these!"
☻Wots da closest thing to a womans period? ur salary! It cums once a month.lasts About 3 or 4 days & if it doesnt cum every1s in trouble!
☻Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok"
☻Virginity is like a balloon one prick and it's gone forever!
☻Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop you can't stop!!